Relationship-Based Marketing Helps You Sell More Books with Less Ick
How writers can market books through trust, loyalty, and connection. Really.
Marketing strategist Ted Rubin coined the term Return on Relationship™ (RonR), defined as:
“…the value that is accrued by a person or brand due to nurturing a relationship. ROI is simple $’s and cents. RoR is the value (both perceived and real) that will accrue over time through loyalty, recommendations, and sharing.”
When I first started book marketing (early 2000s), social media was new, shiny, and a great way to connect with readers and writers of all kinds. What fun!
I also saw a lot of ‘buy my book!’ posts (still do), which clued me into something big:
Most writers follow and connect only with other writers. What about readers?
💥 Shout-out to my exclusive advertising sponsor, the always-free Booklinker (universal book links—so helpful!), and the paid tool, GeniusLink. I love both💥 (affiliate link).
That’s about when I discovered Ted Rubin’s RonR model, and it made a great deal of sense in terms of how I operate. Relationship building was the secret to my success in previous sales and marketing jobs (Big Pharma for 20 years - recovered now, thanks), so this was a good alignment. Still is.
In simple terms, Return on Relationship (RonR) is about connecting with readers, rather than bombarding them with constant calls to action (e.g., buy my book, sign up for my newsletter, feed my cat, etc.).
So, like, be a person? An actual human? Yeah.
As writers, ROI (Return on Investment) can make book marketing feel like a numbers game of clicks, sales, and rankings. That’s where the yuck sets in because it feels pushy.
I’ve worked with many writers who, for whatever reason, feel as if the number of followers they have, or the number of views they get on a post, will equate to book sales.
100K views = 100K book sales.
They would be wrong.
Industry benchmarks indicate that social media conversion rates are generally low, typically ranging from less than 1% to 5% for marketing campaigns, so it's essential to have realistic expectations, and to include non-social media tactics and additional strategies in addition.
RonR shifts the focus from selling to connecting. You stop chasing quick hits and start building relationships that last.
Why RonR (Return on Relationship) Works for Writers
A reader who trusts you is worth more than ten who stumbled onto a discount ad. Why? Because they are more likely to:
Buy everything you write, regardless of genre(s).
Leave reviews because they feel invested in your success.
Recommend your books to friends, clubs, and communities.
Stick with you for the long haul.
🧐 Think of it like this: ROI is transactional.
RonR is transformational.
How to Use RonR (Return on Relationship)
Conversations, Not Campaigns
Stop blasting “buy my book” (or “read my new post”) in every single post. Most marketers recommend an 80/20 split, with 80% other-centric but adjacent content (such as quotes, book reviews) and 20% promotional content (giveaways, sign up for my newsletter, buy my book, etc.).
Share why you write, what you’re reading, or even the messiest part of your drafting process. Ask your readers questions, listen, and respond.
Consistency Over Volume
No need to post constantly, but show up reliably. Remember this: your Substack newsletters don’t just go to your subscribers. They also live on the Substack app for anyone to read, as long as they aren’t paywalled.
This matters because Google and AI Search can index your posts. They don’t index your Notes or Chat (as of this writing).
Posting once a week is preferable to posting 10 times in one week, then going silent for a month. Use a scheduler like Buffer (with a free option) or VistaSocial to maintain consistency with your posts.
👉 Resource: Buffer’s guide for authors helps you create a schedule that’s sustainable. Notes and Chat are not available on most social media management tools = you must manually post.
Serve, Don’t Sell
Give readers something that feels like a gift: recommendations, expert tips, and personal stories. When you add value, they don’t feel like you’re taking from them.
Example: In my newsletters, I highlight other authors, share resources, and, yes, sometimes discuss cats (I don’t see a downside). Readers stick around for more than a sales pitch.
👉 Resource: Jane Friedman’s blog (free to subscribe) is full of content marketing examples.
Play the Long Game
Thank reviewers, respond to comments, and support other writers. It’s reciprocity, not a one-and-done sales hit.
👉 Resource: Self Publishing Advice covers smart strategies for building longevity.
Cheat Sheet: 📋 30-Day RonR Starter Plan Checklist for Writers
This isn’t about doing everything. It’s about building habits that make relationships feel natural for both you and your intended reader or subscriber. Do one action a day, or spread them out over a week or a month; whatever works best for your schedule.
If something feels uncomfortable right now, skip it.
Week 1: Show Up
✅ Update your author bio on at least one platform (make it reader-friendly); if you’re on multiple platforms, pick the one you use the most. Eventually, you’ll want to update all your bios for consistency.
Tip: You’re allowed to add up to five links in your Instagram bio (this option is only available on mobile). Take advantage! Or use LinkTree (free). Also easy.
✅ Post a non-sales update on social (share what you’re reading or struggling with, a funny meme, a photo of your pet or office).
✅ Reply thoughtfully to one reader comment or, if you’re connected, via DM. Don’t be creepy.
✅ Share someone else’s post or book without expecting anything in return. What are your top 10 favorite books and why? Tag your favorite authors (if they’re on socials).
✅ Write down three ideal reader types you want to connect with.
Week 2: Start Conversations
✅ Ask your readers a simple question (what are you reading?) or (what are your favorite books to film?) gets the convo going. People have opinions.
✅ Share a behind-the-scenes detail about your writing; it doesn’t have to be glam or planned. A quick snap.
Example: How often does your cat sit on your computer? Pip is quite helpful.
✅ Comment on another writer’s post, not to network, but to be human. Not the time to hawk your book, e.g., avoid “Oh, I wrote about that in MY book, The Wonderful World of Blue Bunnies.” Big no-no (no offense to blue bunnies).
✅ Thank one reviewer publicly, sincerely, not sarcastically. Do not piss off book reviewers. Just sayin. (Heard about the roving 1-star issue on Goodreads?)
✅ Send a short, non-sales email/newsletter to your list.
Week 3: Offer Value
✅ Share one valuable resource (e.g., Jane Friedman), or perhaps this newsletter if you’re so inclined.
✅ Recommend a book you didn’t write, and why you love it (see my recent post on Station Eleven here ⬇️). One of my top three posts here in the past two years:
✅ Post an excerpt or quote from your book that gives readers a taste.
✅ Answer a reader question honestly.
✅ Share a “fail” story, something challenging yet relatable.
Week 4: Nurture & Reflect
✅ Follow five new readers or five new writers in your genre. Or both!
✅ Highlight a reader comment or review in a post.
✅ Reach out to a blogger, podcaster, or librarian with a genuine intro.
✅ Thank your readers for showing up (even if it’s just a handful).
✅ Reflect on which actions felt most effortless and natural, and then double down.
Why RonR (Return on Relationship) Just Feels Better
RonR takes the sting out of marketing. Instead of feeling like a robot on repeat, you’re showing up as a writer who values connection. Sharing your book or publication becomes the natural outcome of trust, not the constant grind of pushing, hoping, or ick.
When you stop focusing solely on ROI (Return on Investment), you realize that RonR is the long-term win. Relationships compound. Trust multiplies. And readers who love you will keep coming back.
Content may be King, but Connection is Queen, and she rules the house.
~ Ted Rubin
Interesting reads this week:
Spot on!! Connecting as the real humans we are is the new revolutionary marketing strategy. Funny it took so long for us to start realizing that anything that doesn’t speak to our humanity, especially in marketing, is just noise.
To me, this is why podcasts are so effective - I've often watched a podcast of 3-4 authors speaking and really liked one of them AS A PERSON and then gone to look up their books. There's a lot of talk in politics today about voters looking for authenticity in their elected officials; I think readers are looking for the same thing. As a writer, I'm between books at the moment but rather than hyping my novels, I keep in touch with my followers on Substack by writing about things that interest me as a human being and also give away a book I liked every month to encourage reading.